1 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,190 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,230 --> 00:00:11,430 - MAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS I END UP NEXT TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL 3 00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:13,560 WOMAN IN THE TRI-STATE AREA? 4 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,800 - HE WANTS HANK TO COME TO HIM. 5 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:17,770 - WHO THE FUCK IS HE? 6 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,440 - SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 7 00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:21,710 - I WANNA DO MY OWN THING. MY OWN MOMENT. 8 00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:24,810 SANTA MONICA COP-- THAT'S MY EDDIE MURPHY MOMENT RIGHT NOW. 9 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,780 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY MY THING. 10 00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:29,350 - GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE, MAMA. 11 00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:30,810 [Samurai muttering] 12 00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:33,120 - I'M CHARLIE RUNKLE. WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. 13 00:00:33,150 --> 00:00:35,250 - NO, I'M JUST THE NANNY, BUT COME ON IN. 14 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:36,650 - ARE--ARE YOU OKAY? 15 00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:37,850 - I JUST GOT FIRED. 16 00:00:37,890 --> 00:00:40,560 - ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW GIG? 17 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:43,190 - HANK MOODY, BETTER NOT BE HITTIN' ON MY GIRL. 18 00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,860 YOU SHOULD BE AT STARBUCKS WRITING ME SOME FUNNY SHIT. 19 00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:46,360 - I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT. 20 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,400 HOW'S BECCA? 21 00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:48,670 - BOYFRIEND. 22 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,700 I WANT TO KILL HIM, HANK. 23 00:00:49,730 --> 00:00:51,840 - TYLER. 24 00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:54,100 - THIS--THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 25 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,310 THIS IS MY SISTER. 26 00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:56,740 - WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? 27 00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,580 - SOME GUY MY DAUGHTER'S SEEING. 28 00:00:58,610 --> 00:01:00,210 I THINK HE'S GONNA BREAK HER HEART. 29 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,210 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD BREAK HIS LEGS FIRST. 30 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,750 - TYLER WAS LEAVING SOME CLUB IN HOLLYWOOD 31 00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:05,620 AND HE GOT JUMPED BY A BUNCH OF GANGBANGERS. 32 00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,580 [phone beeps] 33 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,230 * I WAS SITTING IN THE 34 00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:25,870 * HOLLYWOOD HAWAIIAN HOTEL 35 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:29,640 * I WAS STARING IN MY EMPTY COFFEE CUP * 36 00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,710 - FADE THE FUCK OUT. 37 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:33,410 THE END, MOTHERFUCKER. 38 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:34,410 CHARLIE! 39 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,650 - WAY AHEAD OF YOU, BUDDY. 40 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:37,650 [glasses chink] 41 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,150 - PRINT, BITCHES. 42 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:41,750 - WAIT! DON'T YOU WANT TO SPELLCHECK? 43 00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,920 - NAH, SOMETHING TELLS ME THE SAMURAI ISN'T MUCH OF 44 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,790 A TYPO NAZI, AND I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 45 00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:47,260 I GOTTA GET MY BROWN EYE ON THE RED-EYE. 46 00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:48,830 I GOTTA A PLANE TO CATCH. 47 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,760 - PLEASE STAY. - MM-MM. 48 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,360 I CAME, I SAW, I TURNED SOME WORDS INTO CASH. 49 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,400 THE COFFERS ARE FULL. 50 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,170 BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO GET MYSELF KILLED 51 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,640 BY A TRIGGER-HAPPY RAPPER. 52 00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:03,810 - IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU, BUDDY. 53 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,180 - JUST GO DOWN TO THE BAR AND GRAB YOURSELF ONE OF YOUR 54 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,250 MESSY BESSIES, AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING. 55 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,510 - THAT'S THE THING, HANK. IT DON'T WORK ANYMORE. 56 00:02:10,550 --> 00:02:11,780 I'M LONELY. 57 00:02:11,820 --> 00:02:13,220 I LONG FOR COMPANIONSHIP. 58 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,650 - IS THIS IT? 59 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,620 IS THIS THE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR? 60 00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:17,950 ARE YOU FINALLY COMING OUT TO ME, CHARLIE? 61 00:02:17,990 --> 00:02:22,260 - FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP. FEE-HEE-MALE. 62 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:24,760 - GRAB YOURSELF A LADY FRIEND. - IT'S NOT THAT EASY. 63 00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:27,960 I'M OLD AND BALD AND LACKING IN SOCIAL SKILLS. 64 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,870 - [laughs] 65 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,800 - YEAH, BUT YOU DO MAKE A DECENT LIVING. 66 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,270 AND YOU HAVE THIS GROOVY PAD. 67 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,970 - AND THAT'S REALLY GOOD FOR THE HEDONIST. 68 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:39,380 IT IMPRESSES THE SHIT OUT OF THE STRIPPERS AND THE BARMAIDS. 69 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,950 BUT WHAT IF I WANT SOMETHING MORE? 70 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,680 - SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER NOT TO TOUCH YOUR DREAMS. 71 00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:46,280 TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. 72 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,920 - THAT IS PROFOUND--LY DEPRESSING. 73 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,390 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, I GOTTA GO SAY GOOD-BYE TO BECCA. 74 00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:55,390 THEN I GOTTA DROP THIS PUPPY OFF AT MTV CRIBS. 75 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:57,830 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I DON'T KNOW. 76 00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:59,700 I GUESS I'LL PROBABLY MASTURBATE TO SOMETHING DIRTY 77 00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,430 ON THE INTERNET WHILE I WAIT FOR STUART TO SHOW UP 78 00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:03,470 AND SPEND THE NIGHT. - SOLID PLAN. 79 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,730 WHAT'S ON THE MENU THESE DAYS? 80 00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,440 - I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. 81 00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:09,740 I'M EXTREMELY PARTIAL THESE DAYS TO LIVE SEX-CAMS. 82 00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:10,870 YEAH, FOR JUST A COUPLE OF BUCKS A MINUTE, 83 00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:12,580 THEY'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. 84 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:16,910 I GOT THIS GIRL TO DRINK HER OWN PEE THE OTHER DAY. 85 00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:19,450 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? - WHAT? 86 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,020 - THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T FIND A GIRL. 87 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:22,450 YOU'RE TOO BUSY MAKING THEM DO DISGUSTING THINGS 88 00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:23,720 ON THE INTERNET. 89 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:24,850 YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. 90 00:03:24,890 --> 00:03:25,920 - I AM. - GOOD. 91 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,460 NOW HUG ME. I GOTTA GO. 92 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,630 CHARLIE? - YES. 93 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:34,960 - IS THAT A DILDO IN YOUR POCKET 94 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,900 OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME GO? 95 00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:40,900 - I THINK I MUST HAVE BEEN RELIVING THAT PEE THING. 96 00:03:40,940 --> 00:03:44,340 NOW IT'S JUST A SHAME BONER. 97 00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:47,310 [upbeat music] 98 00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:56,850 * 99 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:38,960 - [groans] 100 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,660 OH, OW! 101 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,630 FUCK, FUCK! - HEY... 102 00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:44,100 WHAT'D THAT POOR HOUSE EVER DO TO YOU? 103 00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:45,770 - NOTHING! 104 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,370 IT'S WHAT THAT PANSY-ASS LITTLE PUSSY FART 105 00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:51,680 IS DOING IN MY HOUSE. 106 00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:56,480 I GOTTA WALK THIS SHIT OFF BEFORE I END UP BACK IN PRISON. 107 00:04:56,510 --> 00:04:59,480 FUCKER! 108 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,780 FUCKER! 109 00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:08,830 - HEY. 110 00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:10,960 - HEY. 111 00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:13,060 - WHAT'S WITH THE HUBBY OUT THERE? 112 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,830 [chuckles] - OH... 113 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,830 TYLER GOT INTO HIS 40-YEAR-OLD BOTTLE OF CHIVAS. 114 00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:19,500 - WHAT THE HUH? 115 00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:20,500 I THOUGHT BATESY WAS ON THE WAGON. 116 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,110 - YEAH, HE IS. 117 00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:24,070 BUT YOU KNOW, HE KEEPS IT AROUND AS A SYMBOL OF HIS SOBRIETY. 118 00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:27,580 - OH, RIGHT ON. 119 00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:30,010 SO HOW'S PATIENT ZERO? 120 00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,080 - DEMANDING. - YEAH? 121 00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:33,150 - MM. - MM-HMM? 122 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,150 I'M WAITING. MY PROPS? 123 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,490 I TOLD YOU THE KID WAS AN ASSHOLE. 124 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,520 - WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU THINK EVERYONE'S AN ASSHOLE. 125 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,920 - YES. YES, I DO. 126 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:41,990 BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS RIGHT 127 00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:44,730 ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR ASSHOLE. 128 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,860 - I GOTTA GO TO THE DRUGSTORE. TYLER NEEDS MORE VICODIN. 129 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,700 - HI, BECCA. REMEMBER ME? 130 00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:49,770 - OH, HEY, DAD. 131 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,600 - HEY, I'M LEAVING... 132 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,770 ON A JET PLANE... 133 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,870 DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN. 134 00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,910 MAYBE A HUG? 135 00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,010 - SAFE TRAVELS, DAD. 136 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,080 - ALL RIGHT, I LOVE YOU. 137 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,910 - SEE YOU SOON. 138 00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:05,150 YEAH... 139 00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,850 HEY, A QUICK ONE WHILE THEY'RE AWAY? 140 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,490 COME ON. FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE. 141 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,750 - YOU'RE HITTING ON A MARRIED WOMAN. 142 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:10,750 - I KNOW. - YEAH. 143 00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:12,190 - WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 144 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,490 - YOU REALLY WANT ME TO SIC MY HUSBAND ON YOU 145 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,020 IN THE STATE HE'S IN? 146 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:16,630 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 147 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:17,830 THAT KIND OF THING COULD LEAD A MAN TO DRINK. 148 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:18,930 - YES. 149 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,060 - AND THEN HIS GLORIOUS MANGINA 150 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,730 MIGHT MAKE AN APPEARANCE. 151 00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:24,170 WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THAT HAPPEN, WOULD WE? 152 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,770 ACTUALLY, I WOULD. 153 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,040 I'M DYING TO SEE THAT THING AGAIN. 154 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:28,040 - COME ON, LET'S DO IT. - STOP IT. 155 00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,070 - COME ON. 156 00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:31,040 - KAREN, IS DINNER READY YET? 157 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:32,980 - YEAH. I'M GONNA TAKE THIS... 158 00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,540 - NO, ALLOW ME. 159 00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:35,710 - WELL, PUT IT ON THE-- 160 00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:38,150 - HEY, FUCK THAT. 161 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,750 [TV playing] 162 00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:41,820 - THANK, GOD. I WAS ABOUT TO EAT MY FOOT. 163 00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:43,650 OH... 164 00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:45,190 HEY, HANK. 165 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,620 - WOW, YOU'VE REALLY MOVED IN, HAVEN'T YOU? 166 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:48,930 I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING TO GET 167 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,090 YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK, ARE YOU? 168 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:52,730 - HEY, LISTEN, THEY INSISTED, OKAY? 169 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,130 - MMM! IT'S GOOD. - HA-HA. 170 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,670 AWW! 171 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:58,970 MY FOLKS ARE OUT OF TOWN, ALL RIGHT? 172 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,200 - THAT'S WHAT YOUR FOLKS TOLD YOU. 173 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,010 THEY ACTUALLY HATE YOUR GUTS 174 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,010 AND RUE THE DAY THAT YOUR FATHER EVER FAILED TO PULL OUT IN TIME. 175 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,510 - HA-HA. 176 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:06,840 WHY DON'T YOU GO EASY ON ME, MAN? 177 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,480 I GOT MY ASS BEAT ABOUT A WEEK AGO. 178 00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,550 - I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. 179 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,850 AND I WAS ALMOST SAD WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS. 180 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,750 AND THEN I WAS VAGUELY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I HEARD 181 00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,890 YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 182 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,560 BUT KNOWING YOU WERE IN GREAT PAIN DID MAKE ME SMILE. 183 00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:20,890 IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, YOU KNOW? 184 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,230 - MM. 185 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:23,790 - BUT IF YOU BREAK MY DAUGHTER'S HEART... 186 00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:25,660 BEING STOMPED ON BY A BUNCH OF GANGBANGERS 187 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:28,130 IS GONNA SEEM LIKE A PLAYDATE COMPARED TO THE CAN OF RAPE-ASS 188 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,000 I WILL OPEN UP ON YOUR... 189 00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:36,040 ASS. 190 00:07:36,070 --> 00:07:37,740 - MM... 191 00:07:37,770 --> 00:07:39,710 WELL, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BREAKING HER HEART. 192 00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:41,780 - GOOD. - SHE'S A COOL CHICK. 193 00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:43,510 - AND IF YOU RESPECT HER COOLNESS, 194 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,850 YOU WILL TELL HER THAT YOU ARE A LYING, CHEATING, 195 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,850 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MANWHORE. 196 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:48,950 YOU HEAR ME? 197 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,220 - I HEAR YOU. 198 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:52,660 ARE WE COOL? 199 00:07:52,690 --> 00:07:55,220 - NO, NEVER. - [laughs] 200 00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,790 - CAN I BUM A SMOKE? - SURE. 201 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:02,030 - GOT A LIGHT? 202 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:04,100 - AH! SEE, IT'S THIS DAMN FINGER OF MINE. 203 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:05,740 - OH, YEAH. I BET IT'S... - OH! 204 00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,240 - IT'S HARD TO... - GOD! 205 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,620 - OH, YEAH. 206 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:21,820 THIS IS HOW IT WAS DONE... 207 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,890 BACK IN THE DAY. 208 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,890 WHEN THE BUSHES WERE BIG... 209 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,930 AND THE BOOBIES WAS REAL. 210 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,030 [knock at door] 211 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,260 - SHIT! SHIT! 212 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,930 SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! 213 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,570 SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! 214 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,770 SHIT. 215 00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:46,540 [women moaning in background] 216 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,290 - HELLO! 217 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,320 - NOT TOO MUCH BOOB TUBE, OKAY? 218 00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:00,660 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. RELAX, RELAX. 219 00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,130 WE ONLY WATCH WHAT'S EDUCATIONAL. 220 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,660 - UH-HUH. 221 00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:05,330 - LITTLE BABY EINSTEIN, PERHAPS. WHO KNOWS. 222 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,830 MAYBE HE'LL EVEN SAY SOMETHING. 223 00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,100 [click] [women moaning] 224 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,940 - WHOA! - JESUS CHRIST, CHARLIE! 225 00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:13,700 OH, MY GOD. 226 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,840 I CAN'T TRUST YOU ALONE WITH THIS KID FOR ONE SECOND. 227 00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:17,810 - YEAH, WELL, FEEL FREE TO TAKE HIM WITH YOU 228 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,110 OUT ON DATE NIGHT, THEN. 229 00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,110 - OH, LET'S NOT BE RASH, MARCY. 230 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,750 YOU KNOW, MY ASSISTANT HAD TO WORK SOME SERIOUS MAGIC 231 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,920 FOR THESE REZZIES. - BELIEVE ME. 232 00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:28,020 I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL THINGS MOMMY. 233 00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:29,720 - RIGHT, RIGHT. 234 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:31,860 SO THAT WHOLE HIRING SOMEONE TO WATCH YOUR KID 235 00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:33,660 WHILE YOU GO OUT ALL DAY SHOPPING 236 00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:36,260 AND HAVING YOUR TOES DONE THING NOT WORKING FOR YA? 237 00:09:36,290 --> 00:09:38,290 - DIE YOUNG AND SUFFER, DICKLESS. 238 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:41,030 - REALLY KICKING IT BACK OLD-SCHOOL WITH THE PORN THERE, 239 00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,300 HEY, RUNKLE? - WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, 240 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:45,940 I'M TRYING TO WEEN MYSELF OFF THE HARDCORE STUFF. 241 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,170 YEAH, I'M TRYING TO REDISCOVER 242 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,740 THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF A MASTURBATING TEENAGER. 243 00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:55,240 WHEN GIRLS WERE MAGICAL CREATURES WHO DIDN'T GO ATM. 244 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,780 - UGH. - WHAT? 245 00:09:57,810 --> 00:09:59,880 - ASS TO MOUTH. 246 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:00,950 - THAT'S DISGUSTING. 247 00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,050 - YET INTRIGUING. 248 00:10:03,090 --> 00:10:04,750 - DON'T GET ANY IDEAS, OKAY? 249 00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:06,960 YOU'RE WAY TOO BIG FOR MOMMY'S CORNHOLE. 250 00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:09,330 - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT DADDY LIKES TO HEAR. 251 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,260 - YOU'RE WELCOME. 252 00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:14,230 - [laughs] 253 00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:15,800 [Stuart grunts] 254 00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:17,900 - HEY, HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, BUDDY? 255 00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:20,740 HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, HUH? 256 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:23,010 WHERE'S MR. BLANKY? both: WHAT? 257 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,910 - WHERE IS MR. BLANKY? 258 00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,040 both: YOU-- 259 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,310 - DID YOU-- - YOU BROUGHT-- 260 00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:32,750 - YOU PUT IT IN THE BACKPACK. - OKAY. 261 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,350 - YOU KNOW, THE TRAFFIC IS REALLY TERRIBLE 262 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,120 RIGHT NOW ON PCH. 263 00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:39,060 I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD JET. - YEAH. 264 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,920 SORRY, CHARLIE. [Stuart whining] 265 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,460 - OKAY, BUDDY, YOU'RE OKAY. - YOU WANTED WEEKDAY OVERNIGHTS. 266 00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:45,430 - YOU'RE A BIG BOY, RIGHT? - MOMMY LOVES YOU! 267 00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,400 - OH, NO. OHHHHH! 268 00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:51,200 OH, YOU'RE A BIG BOY. YOU'RE A BIG BOY, OKAY. 269 00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:54,070 OKAY, OKAY. 270 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,070 [hip-hop music] 271 00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:58,880 * 272 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,380 - * LET'S GET IT POPPIN' 273 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,010 * COPPIN' [...] I'M BLAZED AND ROCKIN' * 274 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,810 * LOUD AND CRAZED GOT THE CROWD AMAZED * 275 00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:05,450 * I'M SHOCKIN' KNOCK 'EM FOR A LOOP * 276 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,820 * DROP MY LOOT ON SOME BOOZE AND GET RETARDED MAN * 277 00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:10,050 - SHIT. 278 00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:11,960 I'M EXCITED TO READ THIS SHIT, YO. 279 00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:14,060 - I'M EXCITED THAT YOU'RE EXCITED, YO. 280 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,420 - [laughs] YOU'RE A FUNNY MOTHERFUCKER, MOODY. 281 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:17,130 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 282 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:21,830 - RIGHT BACK AT YOU, SAM. MAY I CALL YOU SAM? 283 00:11:21,870 --> 00:11:23,970 - CALL ME CALVIN. MY MOMS CALL ME CALVIN. 284 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,870 - I'D BE HONORED. 285 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:29,340 - YOU SHOULD. - I AM. 286 00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:31,010 - ALL RIGHT, NIGGA. 287 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,840 I'M GONNA READ THIS SHIT. - YOU DO THAT. 288 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,040 - NO, I MEAN RIGHT NOW, YO. WAIT RIGHT HERE. 289 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,240 - NO, I CAN'T. 290 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,910 NO, NO, NO, I GOTTA RUN. I GOTTA GO. 291 00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:39,520 - WHAT IF I GOTTA MAKE CHANGES OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT? 292 00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:41,180 - YOU CAN EMAIL 'EM TO ME. 293 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,790 THAT WAY I CAN IGNORE IT MORE EASILY. 294 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:46,960 COME ON. - YOU READY? 295 00:11:46,990 --> 00:11:48,460 - DAMN. 296 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,390 DAMN, MAMA, I GOTTA READ THIS SCRIPT. 297 00:11:50,430 --> 00:11:51,930 - BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUT TONIGHT. 298 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,230 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 299 00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,330 I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, ALL RIGHT? 300 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,070 I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 301 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,770 - WHATEVER. 302 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,470 - OH, MAN. 303 00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,010 YO, IS IT ME, MAN? 304 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,970 OR IS SHE JUST HOT BEYOND LOGIC AND REASON? 305 00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:07,080 - SHE BE FINE AS WINE. 306 00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:09,280 - HEY, I TOLD YOU ABOUT-- - SORRY, I'M SORRY. 307 00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,950 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE HER OUT, YOU KNOW? 308 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:11,980 YOU CAN READ THE SCRIPT LATER. 309 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,350 - LATER, FUCK NO, MAN. 310 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,420 THAT'S MY MOTHERFUCKIN' CAREER, MAN. 311 00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:16,290 I TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUS, MAN. 312 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,050 I'M GONNA SIT IN MY FAVORITE CHAIR AND READ EVERY PAGE. 313 00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:19,460 EVEN THE PARTS I'M NOT IN. 314 00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:22,130 PUT A PEN TO THIS BITCH, CORRECT ALL THE TYPOS. 315 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,790 I HATE TYPOS. THAT SHIT IS LAZY. 316 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,130 - YEAH. I HATE TYPOS TOO. 317 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,300 - SHIT... 318 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,300 I DO LIKE WHEN A GIRL COME HOME FROM A CLUB, THOUGH. 319 00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,570 AFTER DANCING AND DRINKING, 320 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,900 THEY BE HOT AS A FUCK, READY TO GO. 321 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,210 WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT? - UH, 11:40. 322 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,140 - WELL, THAT'S PLENTY TIME TO TAKE KALI OUT FOR ME, MAN. 323 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,380 - NO, IT'S NOT PLENTY OF TIME. - GET HER HOT FOR A NIGGA. 324 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,880 - NOT PLENTY AT ALL. - COME ON, MAN. 325 00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,480 DO ME A SOLID. TAKE ONE OF MY WHIPS. 326 00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,350 - THAT'S TEMPTING, WOULD THAT I COULD, BUT I CAN'T. 327 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:45,550 MY HANDS ARE TIED. - WHAT YOU GONNA DO, 328 00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,050 GO TO A FUCKING AIRPORT, 329 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,580 OR SPEND TIME WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN? 330 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,190 - I'VE SPENT MANY A TIME WITH MANY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 331 00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,920 - SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - I CAN'T DO IT. 332 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,020 I CAN'T, I CAN'T. - THAT'S FUCKED UP, MAN. 333 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:54,520 - I GOTTA RUN. - LOOK, LOOK... 334 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,520 I DID YOU A SOLID WITH FUCKING LITTLE ROMEO, RIGHT? 335 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,190 - AH, NO. 336 00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:58,260 - PUT HIS FUCKIN' ASS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR YOU. 337 00:12:58,290 --> 00:12:59,930 - I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR THAT. 338 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,200 - YEAH, BUT YOU NEEDED THAT. I FELT WHAT YOU NEEDED. 339 00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:02,970 THAT'S WHAT BROTHERS DO FOR EACH OTHER. 340 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,970 THEY FEEL EACH OTHER. FEEL ME. 341 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,910 - ALL RIGHT, A QUICK BITE, BUT THAT'S IT. 342 00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:11,110 - HEY, THAT'S ALL I'M FUCKING ASKING FOR. 343 00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:13,110 NIGGA, WHAT? SHIT... 344 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,340 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. - BUT YO. 345 00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:17,410 KEEP YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' PAWS OFF HER, MOODY. 346 00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:20,950 AND YOUR FUCKIN' PENIS. 347 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:22,550 - ALL RIGHT. - I'M SERIOUS, MAN. 348 00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,250 - I HEARD THAT. - I'M SERIOUS, MAN. 349 00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:26,620 - NO, I HEARD THAT. - YOU BE PLAYING TOO MUCH, YO. 350 00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:28,360 YOU GOT IT? - COMMUNICATION DELIVERED. 351 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,990 - ALL RIGHT, COME ON. 352 00:13:30,030 --> 00:13:31,960 I GOT THIS FUCKIN' CADDY WITH THE HYDRAULICS. 353 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,530 THIS SHIT'S GONNA BE LIKE, "BONG-BONG!" 354 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:34,530 - BONG-BONG. 355 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,100 [Stuart crying] 356 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,570 - [crying] 357 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:50,150 [knocking] 358 00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:00,220 - I'M SO SORRY. YOU MUST BE GOING NUTS. 359 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,090 [sobbing] 360 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:03,990 - CHARLIE, I CAN'T BREATHE. 361 00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:05,590 I CAN'T BREATHE. 362 00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:09,370 [crying continues] 363 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,170 [crying stops] 364 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,540 [meditative music] 365 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:26,520 * 366 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:38,630 - HMM. 367 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:41,160 I'M SORRY, CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK? 368 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,000 - NO, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO. 369 00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:44,400 - NO! 370 00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:47,040 NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T GO. 371 00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,040 - [sighs] 372 00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,140 - PLEASE... 373 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:52,180 - OKAY. 374 00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:55,710 [dance music] 375 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:57,510 * BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM 376 00:14:57,550 --> 00:14:59,580 * 377 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,050 * I WANT YOU I WANT YOU 378 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,590 * I NEED YOU I NEED YOU 379 00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,550 * GOTTA HAVE YOU * GOTTA HAVE YOU 380 00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:06,720 * HAVE YOU * HAVE YOU 381 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,460 * I WANT YOU * I WANT YOU 382 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,590 * I NEED YOU * I NEED YOU 383 00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:12,660 - YEAH, THIS NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND. 384 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,660 - I'M SURE, BUT WHATEVER YOU HAD IN MIND IS SOMETHING I PROBABLY 385 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,470 COULDN'T STAND FOR LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES, SO... 386 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,340 THIS WILL HAVE TO DO. 387 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:22,070 - YOU LIKE TORTURING ME, DON'T YOU? 388 00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:24,170 - I DO. VERY MUCH SO. 389 00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:26,580 - HEY, DON'T DO THAT. - DO WHAT? 390 00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:28,210 - DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT AND TALK LIKE THAT. 391 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,080 IT MAKES MY WEINER FEEL WEIRD. 392 00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:33,180 - WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT, NOW, WOULD WE? 393 00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:36,050 - [groans] 394 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,260 - WHAT WAS THAT? - SELF PRESERVATION. 395 00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:43,630 I WAS WARNED NOT TO PUT MY HANDS ON YOU. 396 00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,730 - WELL WHAT IF I WANT YOUR HANDS ON ME? 397 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,460 - YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK. THEY'RE GONE. 398 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,770 ARMS TOO. BLOWN OFF IN THE WAR. 399 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,370 I'M NOTHING BUT A TORSO NOW. 400 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,770 OH YEAH, LAUGH. LAUGH AT THE TORSO GUY. 401 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,670 YOU'RE A MEAN AND VICIOUS WOMAN. 402 00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:57,610 - YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T OWN ME. 403 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,640 - YEAH? WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, 404 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,250 HE DOES SEEM LIKE THE JEALOUS TYPE. 405 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,680 - THAT IS ONE WAY TO PUT IT. 406 00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:09,150 HE ALMOST CHOPPED OFF ONE OF HIS BODYGUARD'S FINGERS 407 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,220 FOR LOOKING AT ME IN AN IMPURE MANNER. 408 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:14,120 - LIKE THERE'S ANY OTHER WAY TO LOOK AT YOU. 409 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,060 - OKAY. 410 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:18,060 SO THAT'S WHEN I TELL YOU DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. 411 00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:19,800 'CAUSE I MIGHT HAVE TO PUT HANDS ON YOU. 412 00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:22,200 - MM-HMM. - MM-HMM. 413 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:24,470 - SO HE'S CRAZY... 414 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,600 AND YOU'RE CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. 415 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,040 WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? 416 00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:33,340 - WELL, HE DISCOVERED ME, 417 00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,110 AND HE SIGNED ME TO HIS LABEL, 418 00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:37,180 AND HE'S PRODUCING MY ALBUM. 419 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,720 - AND THAT'S IT? 420 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:42,590 - NO. 421 00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:45,750 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EXCLUSIVE TO EACH OTHER. 422 00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:48,420 - MM-HMM. - MM-HMM. 423 00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:50,830 - I HONESTLY CAN'T EVEN COUNT HOW MANY BABYMAMAS HE'S GOT. 424 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,730 - OH, THAT SOUNDS COMPLICATED. 425 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:57,800 I LIKE TO KEEP IT SIMPLE. I ONLY HAVE THE ONE BABYMAMA. 426 00:16:57,830 --> 00:17:00,070 - YEAH. YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THAT. 427 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,500 - MM-HMM. 428 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:02,840 - DANCE WITH ME. - NO. 429 00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:04,440 NO, NO, NO. - COME ON. 430 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:08,180 - NO. HANKIE DON'T DANCE. 431 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,610 - HOLD MY PURSE. 432 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,380 - YOU'VE GOT A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PLACE HERE, CHARLIE. 433 00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:15,850 - WELL, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 434 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,450 - I'M JEALOUS. 435 00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:18,850 YOU SEEM LIKE YOU HAVE IT ALL FIGURED IT OUT. 436 00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:22,590 - [laughs] ARE YOU KIDDING? 437 00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:24,190 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. 438 00:17:24,230 --> 00:17:25,730 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 439 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:29,870 YOU'VE GOT THIS GREAT KID, A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, 440 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,400 A WORKING AUTOMOBILE. 441 00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:33,340 - TRUE, TRUE AND TRUE. 442 00:17:33,370 --> 00:17:36,210 I ALSO HAVE A FAILED MARRIAGE, 443 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,880 A NUMBER OF TRULY HUMILIATING CAREER TURNS, 444 00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,880 AND I HAVEN'T GOT AN OUNCE OF LOVE IN MY LIFE. 445 00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:44,310 - HMM, JOIN THE CLUB. 446 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:48,350 - COME ON. A BEAUTIFUL GIRL LIKE YOU? 447 00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,220 I BET YOU HAVE YOUR PICK OF THE LITTER. 448 00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:51,720 - OF CREEPS, YES. 449 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,820 ANY CREEP I WANT IS MINE FOR THE TAKING. 450 00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:56,230 IT'S HARD TO FIND A NICE GUY IN L.A., 451 00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:58,130 AND I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL. 452 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,360 - REALLY? - HMM. 453 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,500 - YOU'RE INSANE. 454 00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:04,500 - AND YOU'RE SWEET. BUT I DON'T REALLY FIT THE MOLD. 455 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:06,270 DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I REALLY BELONG HERE. 456 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,770 I MEAN, I WANT TO WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS, 457 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,810 NOT SCREENPLAYS. - WAIT A SECOND. 458 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,470 DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE WORKING YOUR WAY 459 00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,310 THROUGH COOKING SCHOOL? 460 00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:15,440 - YEAH, THAT'S THE OTHER THING. I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND. 461 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,650 I WANT TO BE SOMEONE NEW EVERY OTHER WEEK. 462 00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:30,760 - YOU LIKE THAT? TELL ME YOU LIKE IT. 463 00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:33,830 TELL ME YOU WANT CHARLIE'S DIRTY FINGERS INSIDE YOUR PUDDING. 464 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,560 - NO, CHARLIE. 465 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,670 I WON'T TELL YOU THAT, AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 466 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,400 - WHAT? 467 00:18:38,430 --> 00:18:41,500 - YOU KIND OF JUST FINGER BLASTED ME OUT OF NOWHERE. 468 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:44,240 - I KNOW, I KNOW. I'M SORRY. 469 00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:45,670 - LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO, 470 00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:47,810 OR WHAT KIND OF PORN YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING, 471 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,850 BUT GIRLS IN THE REAL WORLD, WE DON'T GO FROM KISSING 472 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,550 TO FINGER BANGING IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. 473 00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:54,650 - YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 474 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,420 I'VE BEEN WATCHING SO MUCH PORN ON THE INTERNET LATELY. 475 00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:01,760 AND I'VE BEEN SEEKING SO MUCH SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, 476 00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:04,290 THAT IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RELATE 477 00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:05,590 TO REAL WOMEN ANYMORE. 478 00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:07,460 - CLEARLY. 479 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,800 - YEAH, IT'S AS IF GOING ATM HAS BECOME DE RIGUEUR. 480 00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:13,270 - UM...WHAT-- 481 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,900 - ASS TO MOUTH. 482 00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,970 - OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD. - I KNOW. 483 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,940 - NO, I MEAN YOU COULD GET AN INFECTION. 484 00:19:18,970 --> 00:19:23,310 - I KNOW. BEEN THERE. 485 00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:26,580 [dance music] 486 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:34,590 * 487 00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:38,860 - OH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? 488 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,330 - HEY, WHO'S THIS CLOWN? 489 00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:45,870 - JUST SOME OLD GUY FROM EARLIER WHO KEEPS HITTING ON ME. 490 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:49,510 SAID HE'D GIVE ME $30 FOR A HAND JOB. 491 00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:51,570 - OH, ARE WE PLAYING THAT GAME NOW, ARE WE? 492 00:19:51,610 --> 00:19:53,010 - YO, PAL... 493 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,980 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A WALK SOMEWHERE? 494 00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:57,550 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST KISS MY TURD CUTTER, LITTLE LUMBERJACK? 495 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,680 - OKAY. SO WHAT'S UP? 496 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,480 - OH, NO. - YOU WANNA GET HIT? 497 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,920 - YOU WANNA DRY THUMB UP THE ASS? 498 00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:05,420 YOU HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT, RIGHT? 499 00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:06,420 - YOU WANNA JUST GET OUT OF HERE? 500 00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:07,520 - NO, NO, NO. COME... 501 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,920 - GLADLY. - NO, NO, NO. 502 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,690 - YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. - WHY NOT? 503 00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:12,500 - 'CAUSE I'M IN CHARGE OF GETTING YOU HOME SAFELY. 504 00:20:12,530 --> 00:20:13,830 - NO, I'M IN CHARGE OF GETTING ME HOME SAFELY. 505 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,630 - NOW YOU'RE JUST SPLITTING HAIRS. 506 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:17,030 LITTLE HAIRS. PUBIC HAIRS. 507 00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,570 - WELL THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 508 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,000 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY PUBIC HAIRS. 509 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,670 - OH, COME ON. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? 510 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,770 WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE HAIR DOWN THERE? 511 00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:26,340 YOU KIDS TODAY WITH YOUR SELF-LOATHING PUBE ABUSE. 512 00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:27,640 WHAT ABOUT YOU, BUSTER? 513 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,810 KEEP A CLEAN PLAYGROUND? - WHAT THE FUCK? 514 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,650 - IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION, BROSEPHINE. 515 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,480 - BROSEPH--YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE, EVERYONE DOES. 516 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,790 - AH... [coughs] HOMO. 517 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,390 - SAY WHAT? - [laughs] 518 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:40,390 - WHAT? 519 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:42,530 - YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE HAVING BETTER SEX THAN YOUR PARENTS? 520 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,930 YOU THINK THAT YOUR FATHER LOVED YOUR MOTHER'S BEAUTIFUL PUSSY 521 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,730 ANY LESS BECAUSE SHE HAD MORE HAIR DOWN THERE? 522 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,400 - DON'T BE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM'S PUSSY. 523 00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,030 - WHAT? I SAID IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, MAN. 524 00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:51,870 - [groans] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 525 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,970 - [groaning] 526 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,800 [indistinct chatter] 527 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,010 - WHOO! OH, SORRY. [laughs] 528 00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:07,820 - NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. 529 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,950 - I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE THAT GUY A TITTY-TWISTER. 530 00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:12,390 - MM... 531 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:15,490 THE TITTY-TWISTER IS FROWNED UPON IN SOME CIRCLES, 532 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,760 BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A REMARKABLY EFFECTIVE STREET-FIGHTING TOOL. 533 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,700 AND IT CAN DIFFUSE A POTENTIALLY INCENDIARY SITUATION. 534 00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,030 AND IT PROVOKES LAUGHTER. 535 00:21:24,070 --> 00:21:25,670 YOU SEE THAT? WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 536 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:29,070 - [laughs] OH, GOSH. 537 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,440 [sighs] I'M HAVING FUN. 538 00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:31,740 - WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE. 539 00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:33,640 I KNOW HOW TO SHOW A GIRL A GOOD TIME. 540 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,610 A FEW DRINKS, SOME DANCING, A LITTLE TITTY-TWISTING, 541 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,610 TOSS A FEW BURGERS DOWN OUR THROAT. 542 00:21:37,650 --> 00:21:39,750 GET HER HOME BEFORE THIS LOWRIDER TURNS BACK 543 00:21:39,780 --> 00:21:43,450 INTO A PUMPKIN. BONG-BONG. 544 00:21:43,490 --> 00:21:46,760 - THIS IS AMAZING. - THAT? 545 00:21:46,790 --> 00:21:49,730 BARGAIN BASEMENT PROMISE LAND? - UM. 546 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,760 - SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THIS IS WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE. 547 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,600 - OR COME TO DIE. WHERE YOU FROM? 548 00:21:57,630 --> 00:22:00,570 - BORN AND BRED IN THE BRONX. 549 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,000 - THE BRONX. - MM-HMM. 550 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,610 - WELL, THAT'S AN AMAZING PLACE.... 551 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,740 - YEAH. - TO BE FROM. 552 00:22:05,770 --> 00:22:08,040 - WELL HOW MANY OF US MAKE IT FROM THERE TO HERE? 553 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,850 - DOESN'T MATTER. YOU DID. 554 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,450 - WE'LL SEE HOW LONG I LAST. - I HEARD YOUR MUSIC. 555 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,590 I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 556 00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:22,890 - SO... YOU LEAVE TONIGHT. 557 00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:24,890 - YES SIRREE MA'AM. 558 00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:26,660 - LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. - MM-HMM. 559 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,800 - IF YOU'RE LEAVING TONIGHT, LIKE, THIS VERY NIGHT... 560 00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:30,400 - YEAH. 561 00:22:30,430 --> 00:22:35,070 - WHAT'S THE HARM IN A GOOD-BYE KISS? 562 00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:37,510 - WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT'S HARD TO SEE THE HARM. 563 00:22:37,540 --> 00:22:39,710 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 564 00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:45,180 - MAYBE JUST ONE. - OH, YES. OF COURSE. 565 00:22:45,210 --> 00:22:48,180 [groovy music] 566 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:56,160 * 567 00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:15,110 - [laughing] 568 00:23:15,140 --> 00:23:16,950 [gasps] 569 00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:19,680 - WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW, MOTHERFUCKER? 570 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,220 - UH... - COME ON! 571 00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:25,520 - SANTA MONICA COP CANNOT BE MY LAST CREDIT. 572 00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,690 - [laughs] - OH, MY GOD. 573 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,530 - I'M JUST FUCKIN' WITH YOU, MOODY. 574 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,030 - FUNNY HOW AT PEACE I WAS WITH IT. 575 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:35,730 - YEAH, WELL YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE REALLY RELAXED. 576 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,500 - WHAT'S UP, MAMA? 577 00:23:37,530 --> 00:23:39,070 - MAN, THE FUCKING SCRIPT WAS OFF THE CHARTS, HOMIE. 578 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:40,540 - YOU LIKE IT? 579 00:23:40,570 --> 00:23:42,070 - LIKE IT? NIGGA, I LOVE IT, MAN. 580 00:23:42,100 --> 00:23:44,470 MADE ME ONE BAD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER. 581 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,040 I'LL BE ABLE TO WALK ON THAT SET WITH CONFIDENCE, DUDE. 582 00:23:46,070 --> 00:23:48,810 MY DICK JUST SWINGING EVERYWHERE, MAN. 583 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,180 THANK YOU, MOODY. 584 00:23:51,210 --> 00:23:53,050 - YOU'RE WELCOME, CALVIN. 585 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,920 - HE SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME, MAMA? 586 00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:56,080 - YEAH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT. 587 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,250 KIND OF LIMITED, BORING WHITE GUY. 588 00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:02,020 - GUILTY AS CHARGED. 589 00:24:06,730 --> 00:24:07,730 - Y'ALL TWO MOTHERFUCKERS KNOCKED BOOTS, MAN? 590 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:08,800 WHAT THE FUCK? 591 00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:09,970 - BABE, I MEAN HONESTLY, COME ON. 592 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,270 I MEAN, THIS GUY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? 593 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:12,770 - WELL, WAY TO KNOCK A GUY 594 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,770 WHEN HE'S GOT A GUN TO HIS THROAT. 595 00:24:16,810 --> 00:24:19,270 - [laughs] 596 00:24:19,310 --> 00:24:20,780 I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU, BRO. 597 00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:22,210 I CAN'T STOP FUCKING WITH YOU, MAN. 598 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,250 - HA HA HA. - I'M IN CHARACTER. 599 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,580 - UNDERSTOOD. 600 00:24:26,620 --> 00:24:28,820 - YOU GOT A FLIGHT TO CATCH, RIGHT? 601 00:24:28,850 --> 00:24:30,520 - MOS DEF. 602 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,120 SORRY. 603 00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:34,720 I DO HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH. 604 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,160 - SAFE TRAVELS. 605 00:24:36,190 --> 00:24:37,990 - SEE YOU AROUND, HANK. 606 00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:40,130 - YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHOLE BECOMING A STAR THING. 607 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,960 - AH, THANK YOU, AND GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHOLE 608 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,730 KEEPING IT SIMPLE THING. 609 00:24:43,770 --> 00:24:46,200 - AH, SPEAKING OF WHICH, LOOK. IT'S FROM THE BABYMAMA. 610 00:24:46,230 --> 00:24:48,040 - AH, SHIT, I GOT A LOT OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. 611 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,840 - YEAH, HOW MANY? 612 00:24:49,870 --> 00:24:51,070 - SHIT, I'M NOT SURE. I GOT IT WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE. 613 00:24:51,110 --> 00:24:55,610 - YES. - HELLO. 614 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,250 - HEY. 615 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,920 - WHERE IS SHE? 616 00:24:59,950 --> 00:25:03,320 - SHE'S IN HER ROOM. SHE WON'T COME OUT. 617 00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:07,160 I MEAN, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER THIS UPSET SINCE...EVER. 618 00:25:07,190 --> 00:25:10,030 - YOU'RE BURYING THE LEAD. - WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING. 619 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:13,630 - THIS IS GOOD NEWS. THEY BROKE UP. HE'S GONE. 620 00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:15,630 - YEAH, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE 621 00:25:15,660 --> 00:25:17,030 WHEN SHE'S THIS UPSET. 622 00:25:17,070 --> 00:25:19,270 HE WAS CHEATING ON HER, HANK. 623 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:22,040 - YOU'RE KIDDING. I'LL ALERT THE MEDIA. 624 00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:26,010 - NICE. - WHY WOULD HE TELL HER THAT? 625 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:30,710 - I DON'T KNOW. 626 00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:32,650 THESE THINGS, THEY-- 627 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,620 THEY HURT, YOU KNOW? 628 00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:40,190 - I KNOW. 629 00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:42,790 [knocking] 630 00:25:42,830 --> 00:25:44,990 - CAN I COME IN OR ARE VISITING HOURS OVER? 631 00:25:45,030 --> 00:25:49,000 - SHUT UP. - THERE'S MY GIRL. 632 00:25:49,030 --> 00:25:53,200 - YOU CAN COME IN, BUT YOU BETTER NOT GLOAT. 633 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,940 - GLOAT? ME? 634 00:25:55,970 --> 00:25:57,870 NEVER. 635 00:25:57,910 --> 00:26:01,010 - PLEASE, YOU HATED HIM. - YES, I DID. 636 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,850 BUT I HATE EVERYBODY. 637 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,780 AND YOU'VE GOT A TOUGH ROAD AHEAD OF YOU. 638 00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:08,020 NOBODY'S GONNA BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY LITTLE GIRL. 639 00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:13,060 - GUESS I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY MOM 640 00:26:13,090 --> 00:26:15,690 PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT FOR SO LONG. 641 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,960 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 642 00:26:18,990 --> 00:26:23,200 - HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND I HATE HIS STINKING GUTS RIGHT NOW. 643 00:26:23,230 --> 00:26:26,970 BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T LOVE HIM. 644 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,710 - YEAH. I GET THAT. 645 00:26:31,740 --> 00:26:35,640 - AND HE WAS A GREAT LOVER. 646 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,250 - [gags] THAT'S GROSS, HONEY. 647 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,720 - SORRY. 648 00:26:42,750 --> 00:26:44,990 THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND FOR A MINUTE THERE. 649 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:47,260 - YEAH, NO, YOU ARE, AND THAT'S A GREAT COMPLIMENT. 650 00:26:47,290 --> 00:26:51,290 BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS GRODY. 651 00:26:51,330 --> 00:26:53,860 - HAVE TO HAND IT TO THE GUY, THOUGH. 652 00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:56,330 HE WAS HONEST. 653 00:26:56,360 --> 00:27:00,900 - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? 654 00:27:00,940 --> 00:27:03,410 IN A TOTALLY SOUL-CRUSHING, HEART-BREAKING 655 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,840 KIND OF WAY, SURE. 656 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,110 HE FESSED UP TO BEING A LYING, CHEATING, 657 00:27:10,150 --> 00:27:12,680 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MANWHORE. 658 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,390 - COME ON, LET'S GO. 659 00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:23,430 WE'LL GO TO THE CANALS. WE'LL WALK ON THE CANALS. 660 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:25,460 REMEMBER WE USED TO DO THE SHIT OUT OF THAT WHEN YOU WERE A KID. 661 00:27:25,490 --> 00:27:27,330 IT'S LIKE PENICILLIN FOR THE LOVELORN. 662 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,370 COME ON. COME ON, LET'S GO. 663 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,030 - DON'T YOU HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH? 664 00:27:32,070 --> 00:27:34,400 - I CAN ALWAYS GET ONE TOMORROW. 665 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,870 OR THE NEXT DAY, OR THE NEXT DAY. 666 00:27:36,910 --> 00:27:39,170 THERE'S NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE. 667 00:27:39,210 --> 00:27:45,180 - * THE OTHER END I'LL BE WAITING THERE FOR YOU * 668 00:27:45,210 --> 00:27:47,850 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 669 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,180 - I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. 670 00:27:49,220 --> 00:27:52,390 - * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 671 00:27:58,390 --> 00:28:02,060 * JUST REACH OUT YOUR HAND 672 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,070 * AND I WILL PULL YOU THROUGH * 673 00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:11,040 * AT THE OTHER END I'LL BE WAITING THERE FOR YOU * 674 00:28:11,070 --> 00:28:14,010 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 675 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:18,210 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 676 00:28:18,250 --> 00:28:21,980 * IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO *